Archive for January, 2011

  • I dipped someone’s toothbrush in pee because I was mad.
  • I am not sure I am a Christian.
  • I cannot tell a lie, but sometimes I find myself embellishing the truth to the point that I cannot remember what the real truth was.
  • I do not remember accepting Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, so does it count?
  • I ask my dead mother for things on a weekly basis.
  • I did not want children and I can’t remember changing my mind.
  • I think about suicide – my own and others.
  • I regret a lot of my early parenting.
  • I love my children the most.
  • I wish I was someone else and that that someone was famous and rich.
  • Others opinion of me is so much better than my own opinion of me.
  • I don’t want credit card debt, but sometimes I wish I had thousands of dollars of credit card debt so that I could just buy whatever the heck I wanted with no money.
  • It’s hard for me to keep in contact with my friends so I don’t talk to strangers lest they become friends.
  • I hate it when people proclaim their Christianity and I wonder if Jews proclaim their Jewishness.  Do Buddhists proclaim their Buddhism?  Etc, ad nauseam.
  • I believe hate is sometimes easier than love.
  • I try to think the best, but sometimes I don’t.
  • I snuck out one night and just stayed up the street by myself drinking and smoking pot.
  • I wish I could do that again.
  • I don’t believe in not writing anything controversial because my kids might read it someday.  I want them to read it so that they know how screwed up I really was.
  • I was born and raised Catholic and I am still a practicing Catholic, and yet I believe in very few things that the Catholic church teaches.
  • I do not believe in confessing.  Except to oneself.
  • There are times during my pregnancies that I wished I would miscarry.
  • When I miscarried I did not blame God, but I did blame myself.
  • I used to judge nonstop and without mercy.
  • I have corresponded with a prisoner.
  • When I read 10 Signs You Might Be An Alcoholic I usually have enough of the signs to be an alcoholic.
  • I have heard moms say things about their kids having to tell their therapists things.  I hope my kids have great therapists who listen to them, do not judge them, help them, build them up, and walk with them on their journey through life.  I also hope that they call these therapists soul mates.
  • Sometimes when I am talking to someone on the phone I literally have no idea what they are saying.  This is either because I cannot hear them, or I do not care to hear them.
  • My greatest fear is growing old.
  • My second greatest fear is becoming deaf.
  • If it were possible to get Cochlear implants I would do it.
  • If I had the money I would also get a boob job and a nose redo.
  • The older I get the less I care what people think of me.
  • I could benefit from therapy.  And drugs.
  • I think God sometimes likes cursing.
  • I do not believe in the death penalty.
  • I resent it when people say, “But if you had something happen to someone you love, you might.”  
  • I have pretended to be drunk in order to engage in drunken behavior.
  • I cannot tell a lie.
  • On paper I have a hard time telling the truth.

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Do Unto Others…

I listened to this on NPR the other day and found it interesting and compelling.  http://www.npr.org/2011/01/10/132809627/concrete-ways-to-live-a-compassionate-life  So, I have added an item to my list of beliefs.  Do unto others as you would have done unto you.  And it’s converse – Do not do unto others as you would not like done unto you.  I found the explanation of the converse interesting.  Until I listened to the show I could not quite grasp why “Do unto others as you would have done unto you” was lacking.  I do not want to place my values onto others in the action of assuming that I know how they want to be treated.  My quest continues.  One belief closer.  Should you decide to listen to the show, let me know what you think.

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Resolutions, smesholutions.  I will skip the excuses and you will kindly not ask. 

So, something I didn’t tell you is that I am trying to cook preservative free this year.  For a dedicated Bad Cook like me, that’s hard.  And time consuming.  Sheesh.  No wonder women didn’t work outside the home for years.  Because it most likely took like three hours to make dinner for six people.

I wish I had had the mental health to share recipes with you this whole time I have “been gone”.  But, I didn’t.  So, you will just have to trust me when I tell you I have been making some great food. 

  • Gnocchi (thank you, http://cyberbones.blogspot.com/ for being my inspriration.  It was yummy.  I am linking to the recipe I used because it’s not just food it’s an event. http://www.lidiasitaly.com/recipes/detail/46   The girls “helped” me, and although I am a scrooge when it comes to little helpers in the kitchen I must admit it was fun.
  • I made homemade roll-out biscuits.  I have always made the “drop” kind – or they should just be honest and say the Lazy Cook kind – but I decided the roll-out kind might be more liked canned biscuits.  Okay, so I need a little practice with this one.  When I used straight butter they browned too quickly and when I used shortening they did not rise as nicely.
  • Pie crust (easier than I thought it was).
  • And my latest, cornbread.  Who knew it was so easy?  And with this one I have to say – I could be Southern.  It was yummy.

More soon and I am happy to be back.  :o)

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So, one of my resolutions is to figure out what the heck I believe and “go from there.”  This may not make sense to you, dear reader.  But looking through my glasses from where I sit, it is as sensible as I can be considering the circumstances.  In the past year – that would be 2010 – I had some revelations of the spiritual nature.  I thought I was fairly grounded in my beliefs, and I was rocked like the Titanic.  Or, maybe “I allowed myself to be rocked like the Titanic” would be a more honest way of describing what happened.

As part of my new blog, I am working on writing what I think happened in order to (hopefully) sort some things out.  I have already begun, and it is proving to be a long and painful process.

So, to keep me motivated I have decided to just plunge in with the beliefs as part of my daily posts.  Make sense?  “Yes, perfect,” you say your voice dripping with sarcasm.  ;o)

A list!  Ah, that’s refreshing.  Don’t worry.  Just #1.  Sadly, that’s all I got right now – which in and of itself is terribly distressing.

1.  I love my kids.

Words of wisdom, encouragement, advice  – WELCOME.  Happy Tuesday.

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And in a moment of time so small it must not be mistaken for a pause I think:  Love?  Passion?  Forever?  Bliss?  Spriritual?  Heaven?  Hell?  A crime?  Unreal?  Painful?  Degrading?  Forced?  Bribery?  Mistaken?  Worthy?  Unworthy?  Too much?  Too little?  Revenge?  Make-up?  Illegal?  Legal?  Fun?  Randy?  Eddie?  Ugly?  Beautiful?  Kinky?  Normal?  And even as I mumble a clinical response I cringe at its inadequacy.

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Sometimes you touch my hand and it is so intimate I have to pull my hand away.  I think about the day when you will be gone, and I already miss you.

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Resolution is kind of like diet.  The word itself is defying you to break it.  So, I prefer to label my Resolutions as a To Do List.  That way I can just continue to cross off and add what didn’t get done to the next day.  Generally I end up pretty busy in December, but at least I know where I am supposed to be going.  Some of my items are easily accomplished and specific, others are vague and seemingly difficult to accomplish.  Don’t worry.  I did that on purpose.

1.  Learn a new technology trick everyday.  Check for today.  I have two contacts on speed dial.  I had no idea where speed dial was located on my phone until this morning.  I know what you are thinking, but before you say something condescending –  THAT’S WHY IT’S ON THE TO-DO LIST.

2.  I heard an interesting show this morning on NPR.  Resolutions for Politicians  It involved making resolutions for other people and didn’t we wish we could do that.  Heck, yeah.  That would be a lot more fun than making this list.  (#1 I will behave and listen to every word my mother says.  That’s top of the list for the kids.  #1 I will listen to everything my wife says and fulfill her every dream.  That’s top of the list for E.)  And so comes #2 on my to-do list.  Do not become distracted when in the midst of accomplishing a task.

3.  Continue and attempt to increase (without becoming in danger of stroking out) my exercise regimen.

4.  Eat healthy.  Yes, that’s vague.  And, yes, that’s on purpose.

5.  Make a list of my personal beliefs and go from there.

6.  Find other ways to solve problems than screaming like a banshee.

7.  Write a post a day.  That one is going to be tough.

8.  Go on more dates with the man I married.  (Sounds easy – is not.)

9.  Read more.

10.  Watch more movies.  Or, at least watch new releases from 2000 – which is about when I stopped watching movies all together.

That’s my list peeps and I’m stickin’ to it.  HAPPY NEW YEAR and good luck in your resolutions.  :o)

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